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Remember: Dogs and cats are better than children because they:

1. Eat less.


2. Usually come when called.


3. Are easier to train.


4. Don't ask for money all the time.


5. Don't drink or smoke.


6. Don't hang out with friends who use drugs.


7. Never ask to drive the car.


8. Don't have to have the latest fashions.


9. Don't want to wear your clothes.


10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and


11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope ,propped up prominently on the pillow that was
addressed to "Dad."

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, and tattoos, and tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy.. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't
worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your
grandchildren.

Love,
Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.

Fantastic joke JulieBooth16425 . I have heard that one before, but it still makes me laugh.

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Enjoy England Web Team

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Ben, the 12 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like mission control and asked him to come over. Ben clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him: 'So, what was wrong? He replied: 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid but nonetheless enquired: 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Ben grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?' 'No,' I replied. 'Write it down,' he said: 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T.
I used to like Ben ........


Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the office and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'
So she got up, unplugged the computer and threw out my beer.

I like the last one in particular Openallhours

I often wondered where the sun went to at night, so I stopped up to find out ...and then it dawned on me.

OK, here we go, one of the best I've heard in a long time -

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer.. No longer needed, Got married last month. Wife knows everything.

Got sent this one: -

Titles of children books that didn't make it into print.

1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Daddies New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly.
12. Grandpa Gets a Casket
13. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
14. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
15. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
16. Strangers Have the Best Sweeties
17. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
18. You Were an Accident
19. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
20. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
21. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
22. Your Nightmares Are Real
23. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
24. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
25. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Their Toys

Non participant

An In-Joke.

I’ve got a full-scale map of the British Isles. It says on it, one mile equals one mile.

Two Blondes Barbie and her sister cindy promised their father that when he died they would make sure that he was buried at sea as this was the place he had been happiest in life.
Sadly a few weeks later their father died and like dutifull daughters they loaded his body into a boat and proceeded to travel out to sea.
After ten minutes Cindy asks Barbie if she thinks the water will be deep enough yet.
Barbie jumped off the boat and the water came up to her knees.
"Not yet" Barbie said so they continued to head out further to sea.
After another ten minutes Cindy asked the same question and Barbie again jumped into the sea. This time the water came up to her shoulders "not yet" said Barbie and again they continued further out to sea.
After several minutes Barbie again jumped into the water and this time dissappeared under the waves."just a bit further" said Barbie and it should be deep enough.
They continued out to sea for a while longer and again Barbie jumped into the water and dissappeared. Ten minutes went by and she had not surfaced so Cindy started to panic.
Another five minutes went by and still no sign of Barbie. Cindy feared that her sister had drowned
Just then there was a splash at the side of the boat and Barbie surfaced gasping for air and shouting "ok pass me the spade".